Akito's Emolicious, Generous Day of GiftGiving
by Beautiful Midnight
Summary: Akito finds his kindred spirits in emo music and decides to reward the members of the Zodiac with .. gifts.


(Author's note: I will be referring to Akito as a male for all intents and purposes of this story. Not everyone's a spoilerwhore. And I know not everyone's IC. That's why it's fun.)

Hatori was in the middle of his usual Monday morning routine when he received the message that Akito wanted to see him. He cursed softly, and tossed the game controller on his bed, muttering something under his breath about 'stupid Tetris' and 'that goddamn straight block'.

As he made his way down the hallway connecting their two rooms and the rest of the mansion, Hatori became increasingly aware of a strange noise coming from Akito's room. When he opened it, he yelped, and could only stare.

Sitting in the middle of the room was Akito, who had traded his customary white robes for all black clothing, and was wearing thicker eyeliner than Hatsuharu generally did. Hatori couldn't place the music now that he could hear it clearly, but he saw a small pile of CD's resting on Akito's bedside table.

".. yes, Akito?" He asked, scanning the bands on the CDs. Sunny Day Real Estate.. Rilo Kiley.. The Juliana Theory.. Bright Eyes.. Dashboard Confessional.

"Do you like it, Hatori-san?" Akito asked coolly as one of the maids applied black nail polish to his pale, slender fingers.

"… it's different." He said, for lack of a better word.

"I've been told it's 'emo'. " He looked to the maid for confirmation, and the woman nodded. "You see, my life is hard, and I have very little pleasure, and these singers, they have the same hopes and dreams as I do, as well as the same angsts and displeasures."

".. that's nice."

"Now that I have found my true kindred spirits, I feel like weights have been lifted from my shoulders.. So I have gifts for everyone."

".. Gifts?"

Akito motioned to the other maid, who scurried off and returned with a box, handing it to Hatori, placing a box into Hatori's hand. It had a small seahorse on it. Akito looked vaguely amused by the twitchiness in Hatori's good eye.

"Dragon." He muttered under his breath. "I'm a fucking _dragon_."

"Open it." Akito ordered.

Sighing, Hatori undid the ribbon on the box and looked inside, raising his eyebrow at what he found inside. ".. It's a monocle."

Akito nodded. "Since you're half-blind." He did, of course, neglect to mention why that was. "Do you like it?"

He tried it on and looked in the mirror, only able to conjure up images of a bad movie villain, but forcing a smile, he nodded.

"Good. Now give everyone their gifts and report to me."

Hatori saw one of the boxes on top and blinked. ".. Why does this one have a circle?"

"For the girl. She wasn't worth drawing anything on it.."

".. Right." Hatori sighed and waited until he was out of the room to take the monocle off, putting the box in the front seat of the car and driving out of the city, as Ritsu and Hatsuharu lived the furthest away. It hit him too late that he could've simply walked down the hall and given Kureno his gift, and he groaned, but since he had to report back to Akito afterwards, it wouldn't matter.

He was about to drive towards the hot springs when he saw a very pretty redhead in full kimono sobbing in the middle of the sidewalk.

".. Ritsu?" He asked, rolling down his window.

"Oh.. strangers are driving up to me on the street and know me by reputation! Oh, gods, I should end it now… Why am I so useless? I--.. Oh. Hatori-san." Ritsu sniffled.

".. What are you doing?"

Wordlessly, Ritsu pointed to the box of cookies he'd been carrying that had dropped. Hatori sighed and got out of the car, helping him, with Ritsu protesting the whole time. When the baked goods had been cleared off of the sidewalk, he handed Ritsu his present.

"What's this?"

"A present from Akito."

He opened the box and stared. Inside of it was a ball-gag. Ritsu took it out and peered at it curiously, cocking his head. "What is it?"

Hatori groaned inwardly and shook his head. It figured – even Akito's presents would be backhanded. Ritsu examined the item, still a little confused.

"Is this like what Shigure-niisan and Ayame-san use?"

Hatori gaped. "What?"

That seemed to be enough to explain the item, but then he looked confused again. "I don't understand. Why would Akito-san send me this?"

He sighed and got back into his car. "Your guess is as good as mine." He was still a little disturbed at the thought of Shigure and Ayame being into bondage gear. Just the image sent cold shivers down his spine.

He drove a little further, and parked his car in front of Hatsuharu's home, knocking on the door. The tall, lithe youth answered the door, yawning.

"Ah. Hatori. What's up?"

Hatori handed him the box with the little cow on it. "A gift from Akito."

Hatsuharu immediately set it down on the front porch, disappeared into the kitchen, and returned with a long set of kitchen tongs, motioning for Hatori to step back as he used the tongs to take the ribbon off of the box and knock the top off.

He was surprised when poison gas didn't spurt out.

Inside was a small book of maps, with 'USE THEM, IDIOT' scrawled on the front. Hatsuharu picked the book up and flipped through it. ".. these are maps of Eastern Europe." He said finally.

Hatori sighed. "Yes.. Akito doesn't get out much. Or.. at all."

"This one has the USSR." He pointed out.

"I got a monacle."

Hatsuharu bit back laughter and then regarded him seriously. "Can I see?"

With Hatori's monacle, Ritsu's ball-gag, and Hatsuharu's new knowledge of Soviet-era Eastern Europe, it could be the kinkiest Bond movie ever.

Hatori gave him a look, got into his car and drove back towards the city, saving Ayame for later. He'd have to ask him about the ball-gag.

He stopped at Rin's next, but she wasn't home. Overcome with curiousity, he peeked into the box before he set it on her doorstep, and shook his head. Inside Rin's box was a small bottle of glue with a picture of a horse on it. 'Akito certainly put a lot of thought into the gifts.'. He thought.

Hatori got lucky then, when he found out that Hiro was at Kisa's house, watching a movie, and that would save him a trip. He gave them both their boxes, hoping that at least for the children, Akito would be nice.

Kisa pulled out a small pill box with 'Prozac' labeled on it. Likewise, the box in Hiro's said 'Ritalin'. Gasping, Hatori took them both away, and gave them both some money, lying through his teeth that Akito must've put those pills in it by mistake. He made a note to speak to Akito about giving children prescription medication without the approval of their physician – namely, him.

He tossed the pill boxes in the backseat of his car, fighting the urge to take some himself. He looked in the box to see who was left. Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru's presents could be delivered at once.. Kureno's could be dropped off at the main house along with Momiji's. Kagura's house was on the way, and he made that his next stop, after which, he'd stop in and see Ayame.

Kagura wasn't home either, but he found out from her mother that she was at the dojo taking lessons. Sighing, Hatori handed her the gift. "Akito sends his warmest wishes." He said tiredly.

"What is it?" She opened the box. ".. Canned pineapple? I .. don't get it."

"… Have a nice day, ma'am." Hatori turned and left, shaking his head. Akito wasn't even trying anymore.

He drove back downtown and parked in front of Ayame's shop, yawning. As he opened the door, he heard a rustling noise, and muffled speaking.

"Just a minute!" came Ayame's voice, and he came out in a full schoolgirl outfit, a few colored pins sticking out of his mouth. "Aa! 'tori-san! What brings you by?" He smirked and skipped over, and Hatori was frightened to note that Ayame was wearing black Mary Janes and little white socks.

Did they even make those shoes in Ayame's size?

"Oi, Aya, you didn't let me put your hair up." Came Shigure's voice. Ayame turned pink.

"'gure-san, 'tori is here."

"Aa. Ha'ri. What's going on?" Shigure loped out of the back room with no shirt on and his pants half-unbuttoned. Hatori just gaped at them. "Just helping Aya with a new order."

".. then .. the shoes?" Hatori pointed.

".. well, I couldn't just _wear_ the outfit." Ayame said, as if he were talking to a simpleton. "To make an outfit, you must truly be in the mindset of who is going to wear it!"

Hatori shook his head and sighed. "Akito has presents for both of you."

He reached into the big box and handed them each their wrapped present. " How nice!" Ayame exclaimed.

"Hey. Ritsu said something about you two and a ball gag."

The two of them turned bright red, and Ayame stammered something about a black leather catsuit, and needing to accessorize, but Hatori held up his hand to silence him.

Ayame opened his box and pulled out a gorgeous handbag. ".. This is really nice." He gasped. Hatori stared. Why on earth did everyone else get insulting presents, and Ayame got a really nice one?

"Oi. Aya." Shigure said, looking closely at it. "Y'know what that's made of, right?"

"Hm?" Ayame said, looking at it. He dropped it with a shriek. "Oh! Oh!"

Shigure nodded. "Snakeskin."

Hatori sighed softly and picked up the offending item. Ayame was still whimpering softly, even as Hatori put it into the garbage can.

"Well, maybe mine's something nice." Shigure said cheerily, but when he opened it, he rolled his eyes and tossed it to Hatori. "Put that in there, too."

"What is it?" Ayame sniffled.

"Oh, just a collar." He said, putting Ayame's hair into proper pigtails. "Oi, Ha'ri, want to join us?"

".. I'll pass for now."

Hatori watched Shigure goose Ayame and chased him back to the back room, and he heard Ayame shout "Lock the door on your way out!" amidst giggles.

Hatori looked in the box that Shigure had tossed him and groaned. Inside was a black leather collar and leash with a snakeskin pattern. He put it in the garbage on top of the handbag, and went off to Shigure's house, hoping to catch Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru.

After that, he'd be almost done. And he could get back to Tetris.

For Tetris was an all-consuming mistress. (Even more so than Akito.)

Sure enough, they were at Shigure's house. Kyo was stretched out on the floor, reading while Yuki and Tohru were cooking in the kitchen, with Kyo casting the occasional glance to see if the leeks that were sitting on the counter were indeed still there and not going into the supper pot as Yuki had threatened.

"Hatori-san!" Tohru greeted him with a warm smile, and he felt bad giving her a box with a blank circle on it, so he stole a pen from the front hallway and wrote her name in the circle before handing it to her. "Oh? What's this?"

"Presents from Akito."

Both Kyo and Yuki regarded him warily. "Throw them away." The two of them chorused.

Tohru looked confused as she pulled a paper bag from the box. It had two holes cut in it, and the two young men in the house stared. Before Tohru could say anything, Yuki took the bag and the box and threw them in the garbage.

"It had a hole in it." Yuki explained. "It's okay. You can have mine." He took the box with the rat on it and handed it to Tohru, who smiled.

"Oh, look." She said, delighted. "A collection of gourmet cheeses."

".. figures." Hatori murmured, and tossed Kyo his box. Sighing, Kyo popped the top off of it, tossing the ribbon away, and he pulled out a small ball with a bell in it.

"What the hell is this?" Kyo said, tossing it away with a disdainful glare. His eye twitched as the bell jingled merrily, and moments later, he was down the hallway, chasing the little ball up and down the house.

Everyone else stared at him, and Hatori noticed a small trail of dry green leaves. "Catnip."

Yuki quietly excused himself so that Tohru and Kyo didn't hear his muffled laughter. Kyo skidded on the area rug and fell flat on his ass, looking stunned. Tohru ran to him and helped him up, but in doing so, transformed him. Hatori shook his head. He didn't really want to be there when Kyo transformed back, naked and rolling blissfully in the catnip.

So, he headed back to the main house, where Momiji was waiting to see him. He'd been to see Akito, and had heard all about the presents.

"Do I get one?"

He looked inside and paled. "Uh, he must've given you the wrong one.. " He handed Momiji the other box – the one meant for Kureno. "I think this is yours." Hatori hid the other behind his back – inside was a pale yellow rabbit's foot. Kureno wouldn't know the difference.

Momiji pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cocked his head. Hatori almost choked on his own tongue, pulling them away from Momiji. He pulled out the last bit of money from his wallet. "Here, why not get yourself an ice cream?"

Momiji beamed and nodded, running off. Hatori tossed both items into a box and set them on Kureno's bed, reporting only that he'd given everyone their presents. Akito nodded, pleased.

With a heavy sigh, Hatori picked up his game controller once more. By the end of the night, Akito's mood would switch again, but at least it would keep the family head out of his hair for a little while.

Shuddering, Hatori thought back to the image of Ayame in the schoolgirl outfit. Looking from his jacket to the controller, he tossed the controller onto the bed and grabbed his jacket.

As he was leaving, he approached one of the servants waiting outside of Akito's room.

"Tell Akito I'm going to visit Ayame."


End file.
